Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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