My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
