I cockslap morals
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
