every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
