What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
