Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is classic penis vs brain.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
