Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
