whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
