I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
