How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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