Dual....:-)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
