He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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