im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
