That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
