apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
