What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
