Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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