Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
