I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
