using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
