I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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