she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
