My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
false alarm. still invincible.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
