This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
