Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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