Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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