weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
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LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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