I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize