That's when you crack a 10am beer
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
