Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
