He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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