Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
