Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
