I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
