I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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