It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
