I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
