I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
