his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
