kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The Olympian is in my bed
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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