You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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