I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
