PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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