3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
