just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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