he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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