I'm gonna have a badass scar
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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