I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
