ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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