whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
