did you get engaged???
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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