I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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