Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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