Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
