you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize