shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
NoShamevember. You game?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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