I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
