the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
