So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
