Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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