omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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