Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
