Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
