Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
