I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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