I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
