i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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