I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
