kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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