just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
