I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
this is an emotional support booty call
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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