y did u give ur computer a hand job?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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