also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
