I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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