also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
