that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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