We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
