dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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