im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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