thus making me awesome and them whores
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
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A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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