I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
